Just a little break
Curse Husband

Today is my son's graduation day. Thank God my daughter is already a medical S1. It's so nice to see my son smiling like that. It has not been in vain all this time that I worked almost day and night to finance it.

However, his smile slowly disappeared. When we took pictures together. He was saddened by the absence of the figure of the Father who accompanied him on this happy day. He envied his other friend, who still had complete parents.

It wasn't without reason. His beloved father had long since died. It had long since left this world, without completing its tasks perfectly in the world. About seventeen years ago.

When Desti was four years old. We had a very good man, but we wasted it. Ehh, not us. But I was the one who wasted it. Arif.

Our marriage was not based on love. Because he was my parents' man of choice. So I had to marry her. In my heart, I strongly reject this marriage. But no power to accept and live it.

Day after day we went through with a cold atmosphere. Arif enjoys his role as a husband. He worked very hard. Even if you go home from the office. He also worked at his chicken farm.

Our economic needs were met at the time. Even all the housework Arif did. I just relax and sleep and enjoy life.

However, I who from the beginning did not base with love. But with compulsion. It's hard to live it. Even the first year of marriage. I insisted on saying to Arif that I did not want to have a child just yet.

I still want to be free. Still want to play and hang out with my friends. I regularly take the Pill, to delay pregnancy. But when I forgot to take the Pill, we had sex about three times in the span of two days.

From there, I got pregnant. The second thing I liked the most. First my husband and second baby in my womb. But how else, it all happened.

Once implied, to abort this content. But I am afraid of sin. If I drop this content. Although there are many ways to do it. But, wait a minute. Whatisit?

I said sins? I recently thought about sin. After what I did to my husband all this time, I just thought about sin. The sins increased when the child was born.

My husband is very happy. But not with me, which in the end all the duties of caring for and caring for the baby were done by my husband, except breastfeeding. I want my son to receive an exclusive asi from me. Then, everything just goes.

Like without any hindrance. I am like the Queen, my husband. Like a slave to me. He's very obedient to me. He loved me so much that he was afraid of losing me, and I used him. Again all household affairs even to take care of children.

He's all that's working. I didn't spell anything. Even to grab a spoon to eat and run the tv remote, I told him. Until, the ordeal came on end. But as if, the ordeal was only he could face alone.

It started with both of his parents who had a stroke. His three brothers no one wants to take care of him, so he is the youngest child who takes care of him. He brought his parents to live in our house.

I take care of the housework and the kids. Now plus take care of both of his sick parents. He was overwhelmed by time, and eventually resigned from work. I protested to him saying, “If it doesn't work. What will you eat?”

But he convinced me that there was still a farm to make a living. And I trust him a little. Two months later, both his parents died, and his three brothers. With the fight for inheritance. Not leaving a penny for my husband. Husband angry?

Apparently not. She preferred to be quiet, and I occasionally caught her crying in the bathroom and in the dining room at night. While holding a picture of his parents.

Not just there. A month later. The accident happened again.Our chicken farm was burned because of an electrical short circuit. All the chickens and their cages were burnt to the ground with nothing left. Break up my husband?

Obviously, he was very badly hit. That is why our only livelihood. The rest we open small businesses. From basic food, soft drinks, and laundry.

But nothing worked. Everything is bankrupt. Until his savings run out there is no left. He wanted to borrow my money but I didn't love him, for this reason my money is not his. Oh my God, is this what we call family?

When my husband is in trouble I just stay quiet and don't help. Even more demanding. Even I threatened, if he didn't get a job. I'll divorce her. Then again I saw him crying.

“But I need you, I want to confide in you" he asked.

“Aahh. I'm sleepy. Go to sleep" I said.

The days also change. We just survive by selling things at home. Once he secretly worked as a street sweeper. From home he reasoned to want to get out looking for a job.

Whether true or not is definitely up to him, and of course, I don't want to take care of the child. Until our neighbors complained to me. If he sees my husband sweeping the streets holding my son.

My anger's mounting. I really scolded him. I didn't listen to all the reasons. He reasoned that there were no more items to sell other than houses.

I assume that's no excuse. I consider him weak and incapable. I also don't understand what he's been feeling all along. I call him, hina.

Then, it happened again, she cried. At almost every turn, she was always crying. Always whining to want to share to release his burden, he just wants to be heard. But then again. I don't give a shit.

Until the afternoon. I found a letter from him near the dinner table apologizing for not being able to give his best to his son and wife. And the body, I found it lying limp, for drinking insect venom. Near the kitchen. Sad me?

This heart is so hard, I do not weep a drop. Different from my son and his brothers. I am the one who calms them. Until when he was wrapped in a shroud. Slowly my tears came.

I asked in my heart. That's her? If it was him who was wrapped in that white shroud. So, who's gonna get my spoon to eat? Who's gonna get me a towel after I take a shower? Who will get me the TV remote? Who will calm Desti at night? Wh who? Wh who?

I always call it humiliation. Though my husband often I wasted until he was hungry, to be forced to eat out. Even though the money has been taken away. Because almost all of his salary is for me.

Husband whose talk I often take for granted and do not listen to. Husband who willingly diomelin with his father for coming late to look. Because he had to make food for his wife first.

Husband who is willing to fight with his mother. For defending his wife who never smiles when she is at home. So who is really despicable?

Husband who said, “Nitip son, I want to find work.”

But I can't take care of the child until the child cries a lot and falls with me. I always felt myself and my family were the truest and most persecuted. Though, heiii. Even for the shajuh prayer, I was always hard to wake up to him.

In fact, he needs me. He became an orphan. He was sidelined by his brothers. He was hit by a terrible disaster. But I was almost never there for him.

Duhai my friends. The wives. Women and Mothers. Throw away thoughts and stereotypes if the man has to be strong. That man should be able to do everything. That man cannot cry.

Because if the male to cry and weak. To whom his wife and child lean. But please remember. If everyone is different. Each person is unique.

Even the shoes we wear are not the same. But, look and watch. He's human too. He also has a heart and a feeling. He is not a perfect angel, because we are also just ordinary people.

Accompany him if he wants to be accompanied, listen to him if he wants to be heard. Understand her. Because, really. They just need to be heard. They don't need a solution, because they can get it later.

Duhai my friends. I really regret it. Right now, I prefer my husband to vent and cry on my shoulder. I had to cry on the day of his funeral.