Although Not Perfect
Guilt

Mama understands the desire of Reza, especially Mama saw the worry of Reza who saw me was still weak.

...----------------...

In the afternoon, Anna and her mother came to see me..

Instantly my smile was engraved to see their arrival, but different from the look on the faces of my mother and sister.

Although smiling but tears flowed in both corners of his eyes, as if to vent the longing because it turned out that almost a month I was asleep struggling to maintain my life.

"Amel..kamu have woken up, son.." said the mother while wiping my hair.

" Yes, ma'am." I'm still weak.

" I'm sorry Mel.I rarely bezuk you, but today when I heard that you've awakened, I can't wait to see you soon..." said Anna while wiping away her tears.

" Where's the bulge...?" ask me in a slow voice.

" I left it at home with my mother-in-law, because I was in a hurry here, if the kingpin came along must have long prepared this it.." mbak Anna was so enthusiastic to see me again.

Long enough they accompanied me, until late in the afternoon they came home because they left Viona pounded my padlocks at home with her father who had come home from work.

When the night began to come, Reza was still faithfully beside me. There are things I want to ask, but from earlier I still hold because I am afraid to increase the burden.

I stroked my stomach which seemed to be getting distended.

"Why? Are they hungry?want to eat something?"ask Reza who saw my finger move.

I smiled and nodded slowly.

"Do the doctors think they're okay?" tanyaku later.

Of course with my condition like this, I am foreign to the health field there is always a feeling of worry, how the state of the fetus in my womb.

"Of course, they're as strong as you are, now they're 15 weeks old." Reza's smile made me relieved that he didn't seem to be lying.

"really? I didn't think I was taking her to bed too long, so I was worried about her.." I said.

"Thank you for holding on and being willing to wake up from your long slumber, which means you still want to be with me to raise our children.I'm sorry that all this happened because of my past, I didn't expect to get you so badly hurt like this."mas Reza lowered her head looking so sorry all these events had to do with her past story.

"I'm sorry, too, but I've always bothered you because of me.." I'm sorry to have interfered with the heart of a woman who has been hurt.

“All by His will Mel. But I don't like you to harm yourself, it frustrates me, I feel like I failed to take care of you. I beg you not to do that again hmm.."he rubbed the wound on my forehead.

My heart was warm hearing his attention. But I am still curious about...

" What's up?"looks like Reza's watching my face.

"eeee...What about Vani?"I finally got up the courage.

For a moment Reza sighed.

"My husband says he's better too, even though he tried to kill himself, but the wound didn't hit a vital organ, last week his family took him to London..."

"Thank God I feel guilty for taking you away from him." I said.

"After all the things that have happened between us, I beg only one thing, lest you leave me. Will you continue with me until death do us part?"

I'm flattered to hear that.

" Yes...Depends.."so I thought as I glanced at him.

"Eh..."

“Are you willing to face my nature like this? although I feel ordinary, but people around me always think I am careless. The proof is that I always end up with a wound on my body.."

Reza's smile was engraved hearing my words.

"Of course I can do it. I've been trained enough for it.." he said later.

"And it seems like Reza mas also have to prepare if the actions of the twins will be like me, you should learn the science of patience at the level of the gods." I said again.

The man laughed when he heard it.

A week later I was finally allowed to return home with a regular control schedule.

When my gestational age entered the fourth month, mama held a bagyakuran welcoming both of our children.

But after the event was over, bad news was heard and it instantly erased the happy feelings of the two of us.

Mas Reza received a call from the other side with a tense face.

" What's wrong?" I approached her when her phone call was over.

With a sad look, Reza grabbed my hand and hugged me.

" Vani..had passed away.."his voice shrewd.

My heart felt like it was beating faster.

" Innalilahi wa innailaihi rojiun..

" So my friend in London said that even though his physical condition improved but his mental condition did not heal even though he was always accompanied by a psychiatrist, every day just pensive not want any activity even difficult to eat until the longer the physical can no longer be restrained...."

" Where is he buried?"

" The plan will be buried next to Vina, later in the afternoon his body just departed from London..."

" We have to go there..."

" I have to Mel, but you better not come, I'm afraid you're hearing bad words from his extended family..."

" But I'd love to come with you..."

For a moment Reza thought, then put forward the conditions.

" But promise me, do not ignore all the bad things both their words and their attitude when welcoming us later...."

I smiled and nodded definitely trying to give the man some calm.

The next day we both came to the family home of Vina and Vani.

As I thought, we were the center of attention when we entered the room where Vani's mother was buried. Beside the bodies, the two ex-in-laws of Reza were staring at us expressionlessly with their puffy eyes.

The recitation of the holy Quran was still heard, as we sat down to join the other mourners.

After all the final procession of respect had been completed, the bodies were immediately dispatched.

Until the funeral, I saw his mother Vani back not strong enough to hold back his sadness.

Until all the mourners have returned home both parents mbak Vani still did not move from beside the tomb of his two daughters.

From the bouquets lined up, it turns out the name of Vani's father named Hendra Gunawan, a retired police officer.

I turned to look at Reza with a sad look was staring at the grave of his late wife.

Then I stood up and approached the two parents, Vani. Although with fear and hesitation I reached out and lowered my head.

And it turns out that my outstretched hand was welcomed by her mother, Vani. And Merta I kissed the back of her hand, as a sign of my respect for her.

" I'm sorry ma'am." I told the middle-aged woman.

I also extended my hand to Mr. Hendra and it turned out that the man welcomed him even though with a flat expression.

" You're Reza's wife...?"

" Just right, Mom..."

" When we had two daughters who wished so much on them that they were burdened, it turns out that our selfishness always causes wounds in the hearts of both of them." said Mr. Hendra later.

Meanwhile, Ms. Hendra repeatedly wiped the tears that did not stop flowing in both corners of her eyes.

I approached and sat down next to him. My hands stretched out rubbing the woman's shoulders.

" Mom was also always against Vina's decision to marry Reza, and it turns out that Vani also put his heart on your husband... I regretted always being angry and said that Vani would not be happy with Reza, and at Vina's mother also insisted that she would not be able to marry Reza....and it turns out that mother's speech was prayer, until God granted it all.." All those stories made me rub my own stomach.

Hopefully I can hold back when I vent my disappointment, because the words of a mother are often in the hijab...

Mas Reza began to approach and rest in front of his father-in-law. Like a criminal, he looks ready with all the punishment he will receive...

" I'm sorry.." said Mas Reza to the two people in front of him.