Virgin Widow
Eps. 10

As high as the flying stork must have gone home to the puddle, as well as me. As far away as I could one day miss home, I miss Mom and Abak. In times like these I want to be near Mom, letting go of all the suffering in her arms. The sorrow that has been accompanying my story with Zaid, a love story that I wanted to start but did not know how.

Be patient in unclear waiting, hoping for the never sure. Actually this burden is too heavy for me to bear, after a long marriage Zaid has not been able to give my rights as his wife. It once crossed my head to ask for a divorce, but I was afraid the arash was shaking because God hated divorce so much.

Want me to tell Mom what I'm going through, this pain is too painful like a terasami wound. Actually, this is not what makes the fishermen, but the time I passed with Zaid began long. I was afraid that if Mom and Abak came to visit, where would I find answers if their questions were the same ones I was worried about.

“Head filled, Sa? Or how late is it?” A reasonable question for the newlyweds, but not for me. For three months Zaid had not come to me to fulfill his obligations. Zaid has not sown any seeds in my womb, how could I be pregnant?

To grow and develop must be planted and cared for with love, at this time that is what Zaid has not done in his field. Try it often, but in the moments of having to do fear accompanies it.

Why am I holding on? Because I hope this is just a test from Zaid, so that he can confidently choose me as a wife to give a trust and loyalty must pass the test period. Vehicles alone have a testing period, why not love?

We only slept in the room for three days, without being able to do anything because I was not allowed to touch. It is illegal for men to come to a wife who is in obstruction. After Mom left the days I went back with my Zaid who was sometimes good, sometimes silent, sometimes even not out of the room all day. My only job is to prepare food and clean the house, except the rooms and bathrooms Zaid uses.

Zaid has always fulfilled my birth income, even tends to overdo it. Zaid is actually kind and romantic, but unfortunately the romantic is not intact I have. Romance Zaid only at the dinner table or just bring a bunch of flowers after work, or a small meal if he returns from out of town.

Actually, all that is not important to me, I need an inner living, not a romance. I also want to feel the first night with my husband, enjoy the true love plucked and planted with love seeds, because I certainly want to have offspring like other women, not just displays.

The feeling of loneliness and restlessness grew into a longing for the children of the halfway house, and my longing for Mother and Abak presented a cry without a sound. I want to go home, I don't want a wedding like this!

“Hey, how come it's raining early in the morning?” Zaid was standing next to me, not since when.

Zaid pulled my hand and took me into his arms. I don't know why I'd just go along and bury my head in his chest. Tears were pouring down to wet the work shirt he was wearing. The caress of her hands on her head slightly calmed the feeling of resentment towards her and the overwhelming sense of longing for home.

My head was still on his chest, Zaid raised my face to look into his eyes.

“I'm sorry, Sah, I haven't been able to. But I'll keep trying to give you what you want. Actually I also want to feel the same way, sipping on the love that I have been nourishing. And I never miss’mu, it's just that I haven't been able to do that,” he said. There was a clear grain flowing from the corner of his eye.

Turns out Zaid felt more pain than I thought. It's just that Zaid is able to wrap it with a kink.

I saw the wound in his eyes, also the love in the longing there. A longing that never fades even though we are always together but have never been united in true happiness. Ah, if only a wife is not taboo to be a striker maybe I have long released a suicide kick to the goal.

“Well, if indeed you already can not stand the situation we are going through, I sincerely if you want to split.”

Deg. My heart stopped beating. Sharp eyes that are still in the water, pity makes me try to master emotions.

“Not that, Da. I just miss the kids and Mom.” Hearing my reply Zaid hugged me tightly. “Can I ask for permission to go home to visit Mom and kids today?”

“Very can. The Uda will inter. Sijunjung is far away, there is no way I let you go home using bus.” His attention was incredible, in looking after and protecting me.

“I'm fine on the bus, Uda's working. Anyway I want to stay overnight or two nights at Mom's.”'s house

I'm sure I'll be allowed to get home on the bus. Since Zaid couldn't possibly want to spend the night at Mother's house, there we would definitely sleep in the room. It could be the fourth world war if we sleep apart.

“Uda also want to play to the halfway house, before leaving we look for souvenirs for families in Sijunjung, as well as children's supplies halfway house. Perhaps their learning equipment is up.” Zaid was enthusiastic and called the CS office immediately if he was not in for the next few days.