Butterfly Night But Virgin
215. Contrition
With tremors in her hands and cold sweat drenching her body, Sumi saw a line mark on the testpack. Sumi staggered and almost fell if not holding on to the wall. It was clearly a disappointment in Sumi's face when she saw a line in the testpack she was holding.
"Not pregnant? Nah! Nah! Surely the testpack is not accurate," muttered Sumi with trembling lips, throwing the testpack into the trash.
Sumi again took one of the testpacks still with tremor hands. Hope this time see line two in the testpack.
But disappointment was again seen on his face when again only saw one line in the testpack he held. The third, fourth, fifth and sixth testpacks still show one line which means Sumi does not contain.
"Akkh!"screeched Sumi with tears soaking her cheeks. No longer want to see the remaining testpack and throw the rest of the testpack that has not been seen into the trash.
Sumi leaned against the bathroom wall. The woman's face was wet with tears. Disappointment and regret were evident on his face. But a few minutes later Sumi wiped her tears.
"No! It's only been a day late. Tomorrow I'll do another test. Yes, I have to be optimistic. Is not usually not clearly seen if only one day or two days late. If tomorrow I haven't come by the moon as well, I'll do the test again. Ja. I have to be optimistic," muttered Sumi trying to be optimistic and encourage herself.
Sumi hurried to clean up. Removing one by one the cloths that stuck to his body. Until the last cloth in the shape of a triangle was removed Sumi. But Sumi was stunned when she saw that there was a red spot on the cloth that had not been completely detached from her body.
At once Sumi's body felt limp without bones. His body hit the wall. The tears that he had just wiped a moment ago wet his face again. The woman again sobbed in her tears. His body that was stuck to the wall slumped back, sitting on the floor.
"If I hadn't been so inferior because of my background and my past, I wouldn't have been like this. I was too scared and low-key to expect you. I feel unworthy of you. But, in the end I regretted my decision that took too much into consideration everything to finally make a decision that even hurt myself" Sumi muttered in her sobs.
Sumi sat down with both knees bent. Hiding his face between his thighs with a heartbreaking sound of sobs. The cries of regret and disappointment for himself.
That's life. Sometimes we make decisions that are wrong. Although when making that decision we have been very careful, considerate and thoughtful. But, in fact, we still make the wrong decision and finally we regret.
However, there is no need to regret what happened, right? Because, even though our regrets are as high as the Jaya Wijaya mountain in Papua which is included in the seven highest mountains in the world, what has happened will not be repeated.
Can only make regret as an experience, so that in the future can be wiser in making decisions. Makes it an experience like a rearview mirror. Not to be seen continuously, but only seen occasionally when we will turn or precede other vehicles. To keep us safe and secure to keep moving forward.
Sumi flushed her body under the shower. Trying to wake himself up to stay strong in life. Remembering her loved ones depends on living on her. So, he has to stay strong no matter what happens. Try to be sincere and accept what has happened. Take wisdom on what has been experienced.
After being able to calm herself down, Sumi ended her bathing ritual. Get out of the bathroom with a face that looks a little puffy. Do not realize if there are two testpacks in the trash that show two lines that look faint.
Sumi sat on the edge of the bed, opened the nightstand drawer and picked up the business card Hendrik gave her two weeks ago. Sumi put the business card back on.
What would he say if he contacted Hendrik? Asking news? Too talkative. Saying she wasn't pregnant? Wh-wh-what for? It'll only make Hendrik stay away from him. Say love Hendrik? Shame to lick his own spit. Especially if it is rejected by Hendrik.
Sumi is not sure if Hendrik will return to her if he declares love for Hendrik. Sumi was scared at the push. It is not without reason that Sumi becomes unsure if Hendrik will return to her if she declares love. Hendrik's disappointed face and flat voice were the last time they met. Hendrik's conversation with Andi and also Hendrik's words at the airport at that time made Sumi unsure if Hendrik would return to him if he expressed love for Hendrik.
It is still clear Sumi's memory when Hendrik said he wanted to marry someone who loved him. And also the words of Hendrik at the airport who said he wanted to forget someone and did not want to remember him again. And of course the person Hendrik was referring to was himself. That's why Sumi was reluctant to contact Hendrik. Afraid if Hendrik rejects himself which will certainly make him more disappointed and embarrassed.
As time goes on, Sumi goes through her days uninspired. Put his head on the table with his face on the table. Sumi plays a song from her downloaded MP3 music app.
"If only time could I turn back
I want you to stay here
'I cannot when you leave
I drowned quietly at night
'I alone bear all the burdens you give me
Flowing tears wetting the cheeks
I clean everything with sincerity"
The song titled "Silent Silence" sung by Nazia Marwiana, an Acehnese singer who had gone viral in 2021 was heard in Sumi's work room.
If time can be turned back, Sumi wants to change her decision. Wanted to accept Hendrik as his life companion. Because Hendrik is the only man who sincerely declares love for him and struggles to get his love. But foolishly he let go.
It was late at night when Sumi's restaurant closed. Sumi came out last from the restaurant. The employees went home first. It was Sumi who was in front of the restaurant. The woman ordered an online taxi to go home, but never got an online taxi
"Sstt. My head is so dizzy. Why since the three-day month comes my head is often dizzy and my stomach is often cramped, huh? In fact, usually when it comes to the moon, I never feel dizziness or stomach cramps. But, during these three days came the moon instead felt stomach cramps and dizziness. The blood came out a little, not as usual. Is it because I'm stressed, huh?"mumble Sumi in the heart while kneeling her temple.
Ever since she found out she was coming to the moon, Sumi did feel stressed. His appetite is gone, his body is tired, his head is often dizzy. The blood that comes out when the moon comes a little, even accompanied by stomach cramps. But Sumi considers all of it is a result of her stress because her hope to get pregnant does not materialize. Which means his hopes for Hendrik to return to him have been dashed.
Sumi's head was getting dizzy longer, his body felt weak without energy. Sumi's eyes grew darker and darker...
"Brugh"
Sumi's body finally collapsed. But when his body may stay a few inches longer fell on the floor, suddenly Sumi felt there was someone who caught his body. But Sumi does not know who the person who captured his body because Sumi's consciousness is gone.
...🌟🌟🌟...
...Release all who have left, for regret cannot bring them back....
...No matter how much you regret, you will never be able to turn back or turn back time....
...It is better to prepare for the future, than to keep looking back and drowning in regret....
..."Nana October 17th"...
...🌸❤️🌸...
.
To be continued